Brave New Traveler

I've been working on this article since last summer, and finally it was picked up at Brave New Traveler (and boy did they pick the title!). Check it out here!

It's not too often I "URGE!!!" people to watch something...

Things like this make it worth working in a middle school.
Now, everything makes sense.
Thanks to Mr. Levin, the 7th Grade Science teacher:

www.StoryofStuff.com

My New Year's letter, only ten days late.

Dear friends,

For the first time in several years, I concluded that the past year was not so bad.

As I think back on 2007, I have to say things went pretty well: I love a great woman and she reciprocates; I spent the summer reconnecting with old friends around the hemisphere; My first student wrote me after a long search and eight years in prison. I got a real job, a first since 2002, and it's not a bad one.

To top it off, in the week before Christmas, I bid on a house, an action I feel I should clarify by plugging Homestead Community Land Trust (homesteadclt.org).

I feel like I'm nit-picking to find negatives: I wasn't really published, a goal of 2007 (a two-bit romance story that appeared in cautionarytale.com doesn't quite cut it; nor does the recent Not For Tourist Guide to Seattle, of which I was only one of many contributing editors; and as of this writing, I don't know if the little known Noo Journal actually published an essay on Cuba like they promised in November. (Though within the first week of January, two other places say they'll take my stuff: Brave New Traveler and Go Nomad). My blogs, of which at last count numbered eleven, are like all blogs: a joke in general. But I was rejected roughly twenty times, and each time I accept the rejection with glee.

I don't write enough; I don't write my friends enough, I'm not focused on writing; I'm overbooked in my personal activities and want to do too many things (currently, starting my own non-profit, Youth Vote Now; joining Sustainable Ballard; and turning my new home into a self-efficient, self-sustainable fortress.)

I spent a good portion of the summer and fall fretting over and researching global warming and realizing my own complacency that would rather sacrifice the global and future generations by flying instead of taking the fucking train/bus.

I'm leaning towards supporting Edwards, but only if Bloomberg runs, making my vote actually matter in Washington. Otherwise, it'll be for whatever Green gets the nomination -McKinney or yes, still, Nader.

Above all, if you're reading this, it's because you're a friend. I think of you and I love you and wish you the best, 2008 and beyond. Take care, keep in touch, and please come visit.

OPEN LETTER TO MICHAEL BAY

Dear Michael,

"Transformers" was palatable, the most I can say about any of your movies. But I see a disturbing pattern: your movies are too fucking long.

Two hours is too much. Your movies are about gun fights, explosions, car chases, the requisite hot chick, product placement and in this case, robots.

Your successful peers manage to tie these ingredients together with a thin string of a plot that lasts ninety minutes, just enough to fill us with adrenaline without being boring.

Transformers is over two hours along. For intriguing Oscar-worthy dramas that include character development, plot twists, and witty dialog, this is acceptable. For movies about giant robots fighting over a hot chick wielding the latest Nokia, it is not.

Not only does Transformers drag for long stretches, but the plot sucks. I can handle bad plots in action movies -in some cases they're encouraged- but not when it drags the movie out unnecessarily and clutters it with awkward moments. I've regrettably compiled a list of things this movie could do without:

-Why did the Scorpion robot attack the military in the desert? Granted, it was a good scene, but it had nothing to do with the rest of the movie. Um... explain?

-Was the young black kid simply pandering to the inner-city audience? He was introduced to crack a code, but the code didn't say anything. I don't even know what happened to him at the end, I think he disappeared.

-Same with the Australian girl. You already have a hot chick, adding another one only confuses the males in the audience and gives them false hopes of a threesome. Not only was she annoying, I don't know why she was there. Eliminating her out would've cut five minutes from the film.

-The scene where boy meets girl: too long and irrelevant. You've shown that he has a crush on her in the classroom scene, and that he's the nerd that needs a car to impress her. That's enough. You don't need him showing up uninvited at a party, as it added seven early, unneeded minutes to the movie. Remember: explosions, robots, hot chicks, product placement. You suck a dialog so don't bother.

Furthermore, "boy lusts girl" belongs in another movie; like "Pearl Harbor", you forget your point. Like the ADD addled audience you target, you suffer from quick jumps from unrelated subjects and the inability to focus for more than five minutes. That's why you make action movies.

-Speaking of that scene, remember his friend? The blond kid who hung upside down from the tree? Yeah... him! Why is he in the movie? Don't addle it with unnecessary characters.

-How did the glasses show that the cube is in the desert? The glasses were imprinted with the location of the cube when Megatron was frozen in the arctic. Goddamm, that's a confusing plot piece, such a development needs some explanation, like a sentence "Megatron had followed the Cube to earth... (pause for digestion) but he got off course and crash landed in the Arctic (further pause). THE CUBE WASN'T IN THE ARCTIC, IT'S SOMEWHERE ELSE" If you clarified that part, you wouldn't even need to try explaining how the cube got to the desert.

Ok, I hate to nitpick, but you're making Transformers II, I'd really prefer not to have to sit through thirty minutes of pointless backstory in order to see robots battle over a hot chick, turn into cars and explode. Thank you and feel free to call me if you need a consultant, my fees are surprisingly reasonable compared to Hollywood standards.

Thoughts for the day to make up for a lack of blog entries...

If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile way - and barefoot.

Going to church doesn't make you a holy person any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

It's amazing what you won't find if you don't look for it, especially if it's not there.

Soundoff on Impeachment!

If you're reading this (and I think this means you, Matt, as you're the only one who reads this regularly), you should sound off on The PI's editorial on impeachment. It's little less than a straw poll, but better than nothing:

http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/thebigblog/archives/126803.asp

Free Rice (for the world, not you!)

Though I have my doubts about the effectiveness of such a website, at least it makes me feel good and smart:

http://freerice.com

What's that? Cuba's in the news again!?!

Today's daily rant is about NPR's story on Cuban dissident Oscar Biscet who received the Presidential Medal of Freedom from President Bush. NPR claims that his views are "closely aligned with those of the president" but that's not a criteria for the award. Kind of like saying Halliburton's multi-billion dollar no-bid contracts are just "coincidence".

I consider myself an amateur Cuba-phile, have lived on the island, and barely heard of Biscet, so touting him as "Cuba's most high-profile dissident" doesn't mean much inside the country. Like Bush, though, he's at great odds with the rest of his own country. As an anti-abortion activist in a country that uses abortion as a primary means of birth control, a Christian in a country where few people wield that label (and fewer still who don't also infuse their Christian beliefs with a little Santeria) and a proponent of the Embargo.

Holy shit! This guy's in favor of the embargo? He's gotta be the only person inside Cuba who thinks the embargo is a good thing and working well. No wonder he's in prison.

I'm not an apologist for the Cuban government – they commit crimes just like any other government- but I do understand their line of thinking, which is "the US is waging a low-scale war against us, and we must respond in kind." The evidence of this war is hardly circumstantial, from the obvious (Bay of Pigs invasion, the bombing of a Cubana flight 455, and the 1999 hotel bombing in Havana); propaganda (Radio Martí,) antagonistic (Brothers to the Rescue fly-bys in the late 1990s); to instances that verge on paranoia if not for the hostility (a plague of insects that the Cuban government attributes to CIA clandestine warfare). Not to mention the unrelenting rhetoric from ten US presidents and counting calling for the downfall of Castro.

Any and all modern nations engaged in a war have clamped down on civil rights of their own population, for right or wrong, and the Cuban government is no difference. They think the US is at war with them, and we give them ample evidence to make such a conclusion.

Awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to one of the most extreme, a pro-Bush dissidents in one of the biggest anti-Bush countries in the whole anti-Bush world is just one of GW's many ways of saying "fuck you" to the rest of us.

I can't admit which movie I'm reviewing in this blog, you'll have to guess

A non-stop commercial disguised as a "movie" has little evidence of the
latter (plot, dialogue, character development, humor, reason, point)
and ample evidence of the former (I stopped counting at 37 different
corporate brands, but I think 150 is a good guess, plus a full-blown
Applebee's commercial in the middle). Critique the movie, highlighting
the plot holes, or writing another word (even to commend Sascha Baron
Cohen as the movie's only redeeming quality) is a waste of time. Quite
possibly the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. (Ps, curse IMDb!
They want my comment to take more than 10 lines. No, I tell you! This
movie is not worth ten lines! Please don't see it! It's horrible! If
you think this is funny, you are 13 years old. If you're not 13 years
old, you may have serious emotional and intellectual development issues
and I suggest seeing a doctor. There, is that ten?)

cartoon character

There's a sub today for Ms. Rody's math class. I've seen him before, and I think if there could be a real life 50 year-old version of Charlie Brown, he'd be it. Though he's not as insightful or sympathetic, and he wears very heavy, large dark-rimmed glasses that do nothing to help his shakes. I walked into the room for five minutes -buzzing like a beehive, I was greeted by one exceptionally energetic seventh-grader with a "YELP!" and then he hid under his desk. I stormed over to me and towered like Judgment until he was on the verge of tears. That's what I hate about this job, chastizing the merely overly energetic and being overly mean. So I escaped -my day stresses me out as is, I don't need to overload it more.